December 26, 1989

I packed Leap's lunch. The man ate good. He worked hard and needed a good lunch. He did railroad construction. He came home hot, and tired, and filthy. I hauled his creosote smelling clothes to the laundry mat. They smelled bad, I used to call it railroad fairy dust. But it was really greasy along with dusty. Ewwww. I don't miss the smell.

I went to the doctor because I have this horrible sore throat. I'm all congested and I know I need antibiotics. When they finally called my name to go back to the exam room, it was just like usual, get weighed, check blood pressure, take my temperature, the usual stuff. I'm coughing and hacking and about ready to die. For some reason, I have no clue why, the nurse says, you know I think we're going to do a pregnancy test. I just hacked in her face and said that's completely unnecessary, I have bronchitis is all. She said yeah, you probably do, but go pee in this cup anyway, just for fun. Seriously, what a waste of time and money.

I sat there waiting for the doctor, hacking and blowing my nose. The door pops open and the nurse sticks her head in and says: "It's POSITIVE" and shut the door. What? No way. And then it all came flooding back to me. The trip to New York, my clothes not fitting when Pap died, me going to the clinic at work and actually saying to that nurse, "If I knew how it felt to be pregnant, I'd swear I was pregnant", the not wanting to stay with Leap at the camper because I hadn't started my period yet; and didn't want to start during a sleep-over in the camper, and the cocaine that we were doing on the way down to get the trees. Yep, all of the pieces just sucked together in my head, right at that moment.

I just turned 32, and Leap had turned 31 in August. Leap has four kids. How am I going to tell him that he is gonna have another one? We had never discussed it at all. I hadn't been on the pill since way before I left SD. All the times I should have been pregnant, I never was. I will be 50 when this kid graduates. I'm too old to do this. We will go to his or her graduation and the classmates will think we are the grandparents. Twenty minutes and this is what was going through my mind when the doctor finally came in to examine me. For the record, I did have bronchitis.

I went and got my prescriptions, stopped at Grandma Hatfield's to check in, being careful not to get too close. We sat at the kitchen table and just talked. She and I had become very close over the years. I told her what I had just found out at the doctor's office. She was surprised and very happy. I'm just surprised; I don't know how I feel about it. I don't know how I'm going to tell Leap. I have no clue how he is going to react. I don't know if he's going to be happy, pissed, or if he will just leave. I decided right there that if he left I would have an abortion. It was almost like a no brainer. I wouldn't be doing this alone. I knew Grandma Hatfield would not say a word to anyone until I knew what I was going to do.

When Leap came home from work that day, the first thing out of his mouth was are you feeling better? My answer was no, I feel like dog shit. That's one of his sayings, not mine. But he knew that I felt bad. I told him I got antibiotics. And then, I just said it. Funny thing Leap, when I went in there today the nurse insisted I have a pregnancy test. Have you ever heard of anything so ridiculous when all you have is bronchitis? And he sat down on the furniture with those creosote clothes on and said, and? I sucked it up and said, well, apparently I'm pregnant. And he said, you know, these practical jokes of yours are getting way out of control. And I said, Leap, I'd love to be yanking your chain right now, but if you don't get off of that couch in those clothes I'm going to do more than yank your chain. He stood up, stripped down, and sat back down. I said, I'm guessing I'm due in August. Won't know for sure until I see the ob/gyn. He says, well with me and you as parents, this kid is going to be a genius, and a damn good looking one at that. Whew, that was pretty easy. Notice how I have him wrapped, the get off of the furniture thing, right in the middle of a serious conversation?

And for the third time, he asked me if I wanted to get married. I said no, I'm not 16, I don't need to be married to have a child. Ok, it was a little bit of a dig, but not a zorro moment. The zorro moment came when he told Thelma. God was she upset. So upset that she married Jeff on Valentine's Day. I had to keep things quiet because open enrollment for insurance at work was not until February. If I signed up for insurance they may have tried to pull that pre-existing condition thing on me. So at work I kept quiet until after the insurance thing was out of the way. Then I announced it at work. Millie, who had been the person that trained me and the one that I borrowed a funeral dress from said to me that day, Since your mom is gone, I will be this baby's grandma. I thought that was pretty sweet.

Not too long after this, Sue got busted for trying to buy a pound of pot from an undercover agent. She was charged and convicted. Guess who was involved? Sally, that's who. Yet another reason to hate this bitch. Sue got sentenced to one year in prison. Before she had to go, she and Greg got married. Leap and I did the honors of standing up for them. And off to Marysville she went. No best female friend to help me through this pregnancy. Sue has 5 kids, it would have been nice to have her around. No mom, nobody to ask the stupid questions. Yeah, Leap has 4 kids, but he doesn't really know much about actually being pregnant.